So I left of in 2010... This is the year my relationships with everyone I knew began to shift and/or disappear. The only person who knew exactly how bad it was was my fiance', K. I knew I was letting him down and just didn't care. The REAL me, deep down inside screaming me, knew I HAD to make a change.But I was so far gone that I couldn't pull the real me out long enough to stop it.
  I began losing friends. FAST!! Who wanted a crazy drunken person who would start shit just to start shit around?... I know I wouldn't. I felt hurt which turned into anger. It was always easier to be angry because then I could turn my faults into someone else's.
   Then I began thinking, "If all these people hate me, maybe it would be better if I was just gone. For my daughter and everyone who still gave a shit. Maybe Everyone, including myself, would be better off if I was dead.". I never thought of getting help. I didn't think I deserved it and I didn't think it would help. I figured, this is me now, I'm just going to have to deal with it.
   So my drinking became an every day thing and so did the pills. I'm prescribed the pills, so those were VERY easy to get. I wasn't taking them as prescribed of course. Why would I? I had lost all of my friends and all the trust from my loved ones. It was easier to get fucked up and put my middle finger up to anyone and everyone who even looked at me sideways.
  That's all I have for now. I just woke up and my brain isn't working completely yet. I'll post more later.

    REMEMBER: IT'S NEVER TOO  LATE!!!