Okay, so I left off leaving for Indiana. We drove ALL day and ALL night with only a couple of stops (due to the dope I'm sure). We got there around 1 in the morning and I met his mom, step dad, sister and brother.
Since T.C. wasn't a big part of my life, I'm going to make this a short one...
In a nut shell, I got a job and busted my ass. He also got a job but got fired not soon after. Then I found out from his sister that he was cheating with some dope ho who had her kids taken away and was doing nothing but getting high with my boyfriend and fucking him. So I got my last check from work and took the first Greyhound bus back home where I already had a job waiting for me. So all in all I was doing good for myself.
When I got home, I got picked up from the station by my mom and went straight to work from there. When I got there I realized an old friend of mine worked there as well. So since my step dad and I didn't get along she invited me to stay with her. Then low and behold I found out ANOTHER old Friend lived just right around the corner from us. She had just had a baby so I spent time over there helping her out with her newborn. Through her I started seeing a shit ton of my old friends. I loved it!! After the Indiana bullshit I was very happy to be home and around nothing but familiar faces. At this time I would drink every now and then and smoke pot, nothing too serious. Then one day at my friends home around the corner was a guy I had known from when I was doing meth. He offered me some and I said no. This went on for about a week of him pressuring me and pressuring me. So I finally caved. I did a HUGE line and then wished I would have said yes the first time he asked. So I was back at square one. Then a very familiar face showed up. My BEST guy friend K showed up one day. We hung out almost every day after that. I always thought of him as "just a friend". Until one day my friend tried jocking on him. I then realized I HAD to have him!!! So He chose me of course. =) K is now my fiance' and the father of my child. I have known him for going on 11 years and been with him going on 8 years.
Anyway, we all did dope together every day and every night. There wasn't a whole lot of alcohol involved then. Just A LOT of meth and pot.
It didn't take long for K and I to become official. I fell in love with him so fast as did he with me. Soon I started to stay with him just about every night. I moved in with him a few months into the relationship and haven't spent more than a day without each other since.
When I started staying with him is when we started selling meth. Looking back, we are SOOOO lucky we didn't get busted or even worse, killed. It was more fun selling it than it was ding it. We had thousands of dollars at a time. We could go anywhere and do anything we wanted. Those were the funnest times of my life... I just didn't realize what it was ding to me. For example, I always had perfect vision. I now need glasses. That's due to smoking meth.
I already had and still have generalized Anxiety Disorder, the meth amplified it by 100. I still to this day have that disorder but I don't think it would be as bad if I hadn't been so strung out. Like I said before, I was just a teenager who thought I was invincible having the time of her life. I didn't realize what the long term was going to be. And those are effed up eyes, an anxiety disorder amplified and deep dark depression. Don't get me wrong though, the rush of going out and making a sell all spun out and making easy peasy money was awesome... AT THE TIME.
We did this for a few years then I found out I was pregnant. I stopped doing EVERYTHING at once. But I still lost the baby. I'm sure it was due to the condition my body was in from the drugs. So we both stopped the whole meth thing. We had some pissed off people who we would call "regulars". But I had priorities then. I then knew I wanted to be a momma and that couldn't happen unless I quit. Although I did know a couple of women who were pregnant and did meth throughout their pregnancies and had healthy babies. But I wasn't about to risk it. Plus if I wanted to be a mom I wanted to make sure i was a good and sober mom.
I still smoked pot and took some pills but NEVER touched meth again.
Then I found out I was pregnant again. When I found that out I wouldn't take anything but my prenatal vitamins. LOL Up to then I thought I had had the happiest times in my life. But there is no feeling or no drug that can compare to the feeling of a life growing inside of you. My pregnancy days were the happiest days/months of my whole entire life.
I found out I was pregnant in the beginning of march of '08 and had her October 28th. Now THAT day was and still is the happiest day of my life!!! <3
Well, I am beat, I'm going to sign off and go to bed. We're getting pretty damn close to the iceberg. I will continue in the morning.
REMEMBER: IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!!!
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