Felling so alone....

   This weekend has not been good at all!!! Not so much with the alcoholism or anything. Just family bullshit... But tonight was the straw that broke the camel's back.
   First off, my fiance' and brother both are telling me that alcoholism is not a disease. GOOGLE IT!!!! And trust me fellas... I know a lot more about it than you do. I have done my research. They ask me, "well, why don't you just stop drinking?". Okay, go ask a cancer patient why they can't just stop having cancer?... FUCKING IDIOTS!!!! One builds fences and the other makes pizzas. I don't think they had to get a PHD for that!!! Don't fucking tell me when I have read up on it and done tons of research. Let alone lived through it myself!!! Yes, K did use to drink like a fish in his teen years but he doesn't have an alcoholic gene in his body. If he did, he would have had to sought out help just like I am  doing now in order for him to stop.
    Then to top it off, K says he supports me and blah blah but he won't read one little tidbit of information that I looked up or him so that maybe he would have a better understanding? He straight up fucking REFUSED to read it. ONE god damned page on the computer... And god forbid I ask him to go to the open meetings and al-anon group. he only wants to go every other Saturday because we play poker after the meeting.
   If he doesn't step up and start making an effort to better US (my alcoholism effected and is still effecting him now) we are going to start drifting apart. That's the last thing I want. This man is the love of my life and the father of my child.
   I wouldn't be trying to shove this down his throat if I didn't think him not getting involved wouldn't effect our relationship. But it will...

   Well, enough ranting for now. Goodnight!!

  REMEMBER: IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!!!

Where to Start?....

 My name is Anna and I am a recovering alcoholic/addict. I'm 26 years old and have a beautiful 3 year old daughter and a fiance' whom I love with all my heart. He loves me just as much as I love him. You may be wondering, "Well, if you have all these things, why turn to drugs or alcohol?" I can answer that with one simple word... SELFISHNESS! 

   So let's rewind to my teenage years. I had no cares in the world. I had a TON of friends and life for me was great!! Little did I know, I was slowly going down into a spiral. I had no idea how the things i was doing were going to effect me later on in life. All I knew was that I was having the time of my life doing what every other normal teen I knew was doing. Which was drinking, smoking pot, taking pills and doing a bit of meth here and there.
 Needless to say, all of those are the reason I didn't graduate high school. After not graduating my self esteem went so far down so fast. That was my first "trigger". I thought all I had left were my junky friends and my drugs and liquor. So that's all I did. At this time I was into meth really bad. So bad that one of my friends had to spoon feed me applesauce because I hadn't eaten in 3 days.
    A year or 2 later I moved to westport where I was still drugging. I didn't really drink then.I was Way too far gone on meth by then. I stayed with a friend there for a while then I moved over to Kansas to stay with another friend who we will call P. She had an extra room and welcomed me with open arms. Oh yeah, and I had never met this woman until the night I moved in with her.. SMH... never the less, we hit it off. She too was addicted to meth. We became pretty close. She was a bit older. I was 17 and she was in her early 30's. Looking back on it now, the only thing we had in common was our drug of choice.
    About  7 or so months there I met a man who we'll call T.C.. We almost immediately got together. He spent most of his time at my apartment when I was trying to quit meth. I was doing VERY good. Then when the two of us decided to move to Indiana where his family was, we had one last "party" with his dad of all people. We were to leave the next morning so we tried to get some rest late that night. While we were resting, his father kept coming in the room thinking we had dealers coming to the window and trying to hide it from him because we didn't want to share with him. He was delirious at this point. By the time morning came T.C.'s father had to go to the emergency room for heart palpitations. We had to go and say goodbye to him in the hospital because we wanted to do dope one last time before we left.
   After that happened, I didn't touch the stuff for a long time.
     I will leave you with that for now. I'll continue my story tomorrow. We haven't even reached the iceberg let alone hit the tip of it.
     REMEMBER: IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!!!

Trying to stay strong

  It's late and I'm tires, so this is going to be short.. i just wanted to let everyone know that I am doing the best I can. I haven't drank in a month and a couple of weeks. For an alcoholic that seems like an eternity. I am still attending AA 5 nights a week  and am getting very involved.
  I am so blessed to have this program at my disposal. It has been like being woken up from a bad dream. Don't get me wrong, it's not all flowers and rainbows..IT'S STILL HARD AS HELL some days. But now when I get a craving o urge to drink I at least stop and think of all of the consequences (i know that's not spelled right..) and those overpower the urge.
  i have been giving coping skills and now know that i am not alone, I'm not crazy. there are millions of alcoholics out there that are and were way worse than i was.. it really is awesome and i would tell anyone who thinks they may have even the smallest idea that may have or may be forming a problem to go to a meeting and at least try it out. it's better to catch it early. Admitting that you might have a problem is hard..but to any younger people who are drinking every day, or even every other day, i would highly recommend going to just one meeting. And the joy of it is.. It's anonymous.. So you wouldn't have to tell a soul. im about to fall asleep typing.. So that's all for now. hell, I'm so tired, i wouldn't be surprised if some of this doesn't make sense... lol

 REMEMBER: IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!!!